Freudian Slip
Function: noun
Date: 1953
: a slip of the tongue that is motivated by and reveals some unconscious aspect of the mind
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Friday, April 15, 2005
" That'll be a dispute to the end of time, Mr. Brown: whether it's better to do the right thing for the wrong reason or the wrong thing for the right reason." - Anne Revere
They say opportunity knocks, and when it does - one should answer it... Part of me felt that way about Mr. Clean; Maybe he wasn't exactly my type, but who was I to overlook a good man? After all, how many times in life was I destined to meet a kind, independent, well-rounded single guy, who was not only interested in me, but could actually keep a job, get along with my friends, and wasn't threatened by my status as a single mother? More so.. what are the chances of finding a man like this.. twice? Exactly... There's no telling.
So I decided to give it a chance; Some might think that deep down I'm afraid of being alone, and that is what brought me to this decision, but you know what the truth is? My greatest fear at this point was that I could be sabotaging myself with my own vanity. Sure there might be fate, or God - a plan for me which might bring me Mr.Right... But what if there isnt? What if.. just what if.. I am the only captain sailing my ship? Hadn't I heard somewhere: Life.. is what you make of it? It was time to find out.
I'd been sitting on the carpeted floor of Mr. Clean's apartment for about twenty minutes trying to make small talk before I cut to the chase and asked if I could stay the night with him... While I'd been pretty damn confident about making this proposal prior to voicing it, as soon as the words escaped my lips I nearly drowned in my own insecurity - Oh Jesus, does asking him that make me sound like a slut? Studying his face, I thought I'd prepared myself for any negative reaction he might have to the idea, but his even gaze back at me and soft nod caught me off-guard - to my ultimate demise. Next thing I know, I started back-peddling... babbling like an idiot about how I wasn't ready for a relationship, but we were both adults... if we did this - I didn't want him telling anyone else... it could just be a booty-call.. But thankfully Mr. Clean interrupted me before I could shove my foot any farther down my own throat.. saying that he'd hoped I'd stay the night with him; In fact, we didn't have to do anything, he'd be happy just to sleep next to me.
Suddenly at a loss for words, I tried to think of something to say in response but couldn't, when he broke in again saving the day; He said it was getting late and if I wanted, I could stay downstairs to watch a movie, and I was welcome to join him in the loft whenever I wanted - but he had work in the morning. Not sure if I was ready to follow him upstairs, or change my mind and make a last minute bolt out the front door like a chicken shit - I simply nodded as I watched him walk to the bathroom. Listening to the sound of the water running in the sink, I wondered how this would all turn out...
But as he left the bathroom and climbed the spiral staircase up to his bedroom loft
I found myself in tow behind him - It was time to throw reason to the wind....
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05:29 am
